Effective Communication: What’s love got to do with it?

I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.
— Maya Angelou
...especially your spouse!
— Bill Watkins

One of my favorite resources in our 10x Cohort is The Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman.

It’s a fast read with even faster results if you make the right moves, and it can make the difference between a failed marriage and a lasting partnership. Not only that, it can give you real, actionable insight into your children, your friendships, your employees, and even your customers.

What does love have to do with effective communication?

Pretty much everything.

Here’s the thing. The “Golden Rule” of “treating people as you want to be treated” doesn’t apply to how people love to be loved. It doesn’t matter how pretty your words are or even how good your intentions. It doesn’t matter if you’re talking to the love of your life or your perfect customer. It doesn’t matter if it makes you a little uncomfortable. If you don’t communicate in the way they care about, they won’t hear you. Worse, they may even start to feel the opposite.

And if you love them, they deserve to know using the language they know by heart.

As I tell every member of the Cohort, if you succeed at business and fail at home, you fail. Period. Because I know you are all about getting better, faster, easier results, I’m sending this email ahead of Valentine’s Day, so you can start celebrating your relationships early—and often. You —and your partner!—are better than a rushed bouquet and a jumbled box of chocolates.

Love is a choice and an action verb. Choose and act wisely.




Focus on your loved ones this week—we’ll have more to say about showing your customers some love in our next post!

10x Your Day

Take a few minutes and complete Gary Chapman’s 5 Love Languages quiz. Then forward it to your partner to do the same. Share your results. Are they what you expected? Did you learn something new?

10x Their Week

Now that you’re more informed, what little things can you do this week to make the important people in your life feel loved and appreciated? Here are some quick ideas.

  • Words of Affirmation: Pick a favorite picture of them from your archives and text it to them with a note of how much you love that memory and what they bring to your life. Slip a love note into their purse or briefcase. Note—out loud—whenever they amaze you.

  • Acts of Service: Give them a night off dinner duty. Set up the coffee pot the night before. UNLOAD THE DISHWASHER. Take their car in to be detailed.

  • Receiving Gifts: Keep a running list of possible gifts as they come in conversation or as you notice them. They’ll appreciate it more if they didn’t have to ask for it, so keep your ears open and your pen ready.

  • Quality Time: Hunker in for a movie marathon. Go out for dinner at a favorite (or new!) restaurant. Play a board game. Do a crossword together.

  • Physical Touch: Those who speak this language will give you plenty of openings, so when you hug, squeeze. When you hold or shake hands, grip.